


From the Inside Out

by LadyofAvalon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Legacy of the Force Series - Aaron Allston & Troy Denning & Karen Traviss
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:16:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofAvalon/pseuds/LadyofAvalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somewhere deep down, Jacen Solo is still there watching. He knows what a monster he has become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfiction I wrote years ago - the song is Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace.

In that galaxy, so far, far away, there is a Sith Lord. His name is Darth Caedus. He is the most feared, and the most hated man in the galaxy, if he can even be considered a man. Once, he was loved, once he was a hero. Buried deep down there was the man he had once been. Jacen Solo was locked up, but not dead. Caedus had tried and failed. Somewhere deep down, Jacen Solo lived on, and he was alive and as well as could be expected for one who had lost his former life to a Sith Lord who would stop at nothing do destroy the ones that Jacen loved.

_I can't escape this hell,_ _  
_ _So many times I've tried,_ _  
_ _But I'm still caged inside,_ _  
_ _Somebody get me through this nightmare,_ _  
_ _I can't control myself_

Jacen watched everything that Caedus did from the inside. He was trapped by the darkness that had taken hold. Though part of him had always tried to fight it, the fight had been useless. He had become the monster he had once feared. There was no way that he could stop walking the path he had started down. Not on his own, at least.

_So what if you can see,  
The darker side of me,  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
and we believe,  
It's not the real me,  
Somebody help me tame this animal_

Always, there was a battle going on in his mind, but Caedus didn't notice. Once, he might have, but not now. Now, he was a monster, a true creature of the Dark Side. It seemed that no one could change it, nor would they try. They were all afraid of him, and so was that part of him that was still Jacen. Caedus was the monster, not Jacen. They thought that Jacen was dead, and that there was no way to save him. Only Jaina was even close to willing to give him another chance. He just hoped that she would still be willing to when it came to the end of it all. Jacen just hoped that she would help him vanquish Caedus forever.

_I can't escape myself,  
So many times I've lied,  
But there's still rage inside.  
Somebody get me through this nightmare,  
I can't control myself_

Caedus told himself that he was walking the thin line between the Dark and the Light, but it was a lie, Jacen knew that. Caedus had passed that line a long time before. _Jaina, please help me!_ Jacen thought. They faced off once more, Jedi and Sith, in the mind of Darth Caedus. It was the never ending battle that Caedus fought at least daily, the one that he was so used to that it didn't even matter to him anymore. Every time he defeated Jacen, he was one step closer to destroying that part of him forever.

Then there would be no hope for the man who had once been Jacen Solo. Jacen would truly be dead then, and Caedus would walk farther down the dark path had always been his. That was where they differed – Jacen Solo was a true Jedi, while Darth Caedus was the darkest Sith Lord to set foot in the galaxy.

_So what if you can see,  
The darker side of me,  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
help me believe,  
It's not the real me,  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
And we believe  
It's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal_

He knew that Jaina saw only the darkness in him, just like everyone else, the moment she walked into the room. And yet, she still believed that he wasn't the Jacen she knew when she was younger. He wasn't Jasa, the boy she had known from childhood. No. To her, he was Darth Caedus, the Sith who wanted to destroy those she loved, those that Jacen loved. Deep down, Jacen smiled at that. She would free him, or she would kill him; she would do whatever she had to, because she loved him.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare,  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare,  
I can't escape this hell_

Jacen Solo was a dead man, buried deep under Darth Caedus's exterior. There was no hope for him now. There was no way for him to escape the nightmare that Caedus had created. And he had realized, even if he did, he would be hated and feared. Everyone would be waiting for him to step down the dark path again. Even if Caedus was destroyed, Jacen would be feared and hated by all. That was not a prospect that he liked.

"You can't save me, Jaina, you'll have to kill me," Caedus told the Jedi girl.

"I know. I'm sorry for that, because I know that the real Jacen, the one I knew, is buried inside you. I'm sorry to have to kill him if I have to kill you. Goodbye, Jacen. I won't forget you, nor will anyone else. I'll make sure that you're not remembered as the psychotic murderer that Caedus is." With that, Jaina Solo lunged forward, violet lightsaber aloft.

 _Farewell, Jaina Solo, my sister. Thank you, take care,_ Jacen thought. Caedus was above such thoughts. His thoughts before his final battle began were ' _Pitiful words for a weakling Jedi.'_

_So what if you can see,  
The darker side of me,  
No one will ever change  
_ _This animal I have become  
and we believe,  
It's not the real me,  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
and we believe,  
It's not the real me,  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
This animal I have become_

The monster was no more. Caedus had been vanquished, and Jacen Solo was at peace. Jaina remembered that day for the rest of her life. It was the day that she heard her brother's farewell through the Force when Darth Caedus died. She had destroyed the monster that had caged him, she had set him free, but she had killed him, too.

Now, she felt like she was the monster.


End file.
